the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
send nudes
from the living room?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize