but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
