apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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