Define "chronic" masturbator.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
