She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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