Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Also, beer. Big fan.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
