yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
