Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize