Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
