3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
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