Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
