She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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