I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
