my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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