I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
