So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
