Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
