After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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