Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
