why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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