Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
