Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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