He is such a slut. More and more my type.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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