Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
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