youre lurking in front of me
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
