I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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