Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
be right there i have to get my cape
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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