No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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