Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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