Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just want nice things and good sex
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
