I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
