I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
that's an acceptable place to lick
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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