The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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