I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
