Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Randomize