saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
