Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
