During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
