ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
