hell yes lets make some ravioli
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
