Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
