We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
