Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
