It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
