So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
