Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
