My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
