Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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