so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
