It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
