he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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