..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
