A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
