my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize