If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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