Well douche your snatch and let's go!
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
