all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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