I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
