I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
