he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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