So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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