i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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