Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
