Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
