i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
