you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
this is an emotional support booty call
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
