So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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