He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
