need another drink. this is the easiest way
Need sex. Gaining weight.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
