I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
