Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
